“Mabait ba Diyos mo?”

EJ asked me this question out of nowhere during one of our usual afternoon conversation breaks from work. We were talking about some inconsequential thing, as we often do. Maybe something about my awkward Tagalog – a source of amusement for him. Or maybe he was feigning inaudibility and just asking me to repeat something I said at least three times, just for the heck of it.

Whatever nonsense we were talking about, I certainly wasn’t expecting him to segue into the sudden theological question.

“Diyos ko? Bakit, iba ba Diyos natin?” I had to ask. I was under the impression there was only one God. For everyone. But he said yes. My God. Or more specifically, my concept of how God is like.

Is He a God who asks me to confess to priests? To have my forehead smeared with ash on a certain Wednesday? To fast during lent? To be afraid of a hell in the afterlife?

Hmm.

While we exchanged our thoughts on these questions, we got around to talking about doctrine, salvation, sacrifice, the church.

EJ’s God, he says, is a forgiving God - a God whom he can talk freely without the memorized prayers. His God is not impressed with outward display of religiosity. And most importantly, EJ’s God will not allow His beloved children to end up in a fiery hell.

It was a long time since I had a conversation about faith. The last time was with two of my other closest friends: with Luz during our Los Baños overnight trip and with Gary while we were rowing a boat in Kalaw. Although, come to think of it, over pizza just this weekend, we talked about the fragility of life and the overwhelming question of what happens after this. All this.

I don’t write about it this often because admittedly, it’s a very touchy topic for most. But I have friends who have different beliefs. Or non-beliefs. (Rye, Tim – I know you’re out there somewhere) And although there must only be one truth out there, each of us has our own ways of finding out what that truth is. What comforts me is that they share with me the uncertainties of… well, everything. Some people would claim that they got it down. Solved. Really, really, really got it. With my friends, I know that we may have different view on things and we may not even know what we really want to believe in yet, but it’s ok. It’s really just ok.

And even for that, alam ko, mabait ang Diyos ko.