Presently Missing

I woke up from the beep of an incoming text message. It is Saturday afternoon. I got home that morning and was exhausted from a week-long load of work, of non-work -- of life. Weekend afternoon naps are a luxury that I seldom get to enjoy.

It is a short message. "I miss u, Cee! L0ve u!"

Only my good friend Tago calls me Cee. He got this from reading "Atonement" where one of the characters is my namesake, Cecilia, but is nicknamed "Cee".

I reply, "We just saw each other this morning. :) But I do love you, too, Tags. Everything ok?"

Yes, I am a pessimist and a paranoid. I often assume the worst in everything.

"Yeah. Namiss lng kta. Hehe."

Aww. It was such a sweet thing to say and I was touched. I feel so blessed to have friends who sincerely care about me. The past couple of weeks - I feel like I've been drifting in and out of reality. Or ascending and descending levels of reality, if it is hierarchical.

To me, life becomes real in varied forms: in sleepless nights when I lay awake worrying, in church homilies I escape to during lunch hour, in the throbbing pain in my nape from leaning too close to the monitor, in an SQL package I am updating, in my mother's tender hand as I prick her finger for another blood test.

Reality is the moment when I realize I've been spacing out in too many conversations I am a part of. That I've been close to abusing my friends' patience and good humor.

"I miss just hanging out with you, Let's plan the next major group activity soon. :)"

He ends it with, "Agree!"

back. back. exit. keypad lock.

I try to remember old realities of less complicated days, temporarily available only in short Saturday afternoon naps.