Walking it Off

I like the expression “walk it off”. I often hear it in movies when people are breaking up two quarrelling parties. The Urban Dictionary defines it as “to stand up like a man and forget about it, or deal with it.” I especially like it because when I need to deal with things, I take a literal walk.

I logged out of the office as soon as I was legally able to. I didn’t tell anyone beforehand that I had plans to take a long walk by myself after work, so Liz was a little puzzled why I was in such a hurry to leave. When I finally told her I intended to go to ULTRA alone to walk and take pictures, she had to ask me again to make sure I wasn’t kidding. She said it was a crazy thing to do.

Crazy is not being able to do this sooner. I needed this for so long. To sort out my thoughts, reassess my life, remember who I am and what I really want to do.

For an hour, I walked around that track oval. At first I listened to my playlist, but I eventually took off my earphones to better hear myself think. And it was awkward at first, being alone with myself. I didn’t recognize the person behind those agitated thoughts. But eventually, I made peace with her. She was not impervious to pain, jealousy, hatred, or bitterness. I had to admit that she was a part of me and I have to live with those emotions, however unpretty they are.

I took pictures of the track oval after. Some of the joggers cast curious glances my way while I struggled to keep my hand steady for each shot. Five seconds is a long time to hold one’s breath for a non-blurry and well-exposed shot. I only got to take a few decent ones. The weather threatened to rain and I had to head home soon.

After this experience, I decided that I should get together with myself more often. For this date, we just clearly figured out two things: that my right knee has not totally healed yet and that I should think about buying a tripod.