People Repellant

The few times I venture out into the world where I am required to actually interact with people, it takes me a second or two before I convince myself that I don't have a sign on my forehead that says, "Keep Away."

I was queuing at the ATM machine the other day. A middle-aged woman fell in line after me. She kinda reminded me of my Aralin Panlipunan teacher back in my sophomore year of high school. There was nothing noteworthy about her except for the way she looked at me. The moment she arrived, from my peripheral vision, I could see her closely observing me (in my opinion, somewhat disapprovingly, too) from head to toe with knotted eyebrows. I glanced down at my clothes and discreetly checked whether I had anything on my hair or face. I'm not a punk, ok? Granted, I'm not angelic either (not by a long mile) but I thought I looked decent enough to suppress any form of suspicion.

While the queue progressed, the lady after me, Mrs. Oracion (I decided to name her after my high school teacher for the time being), slowly inched her way to stand closer to me. I was tempted to say, "You're encroaching into my interpersonal space, Ma'am. The average ideal distance is around 18 inches, but in my case, it's waaay farther than that." But of course, I didn't say that. I contented myself with leaning forward against the railing. When I was already the next one to use the machine, Mrs. Oracion hesistantly tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I could help her out with her ATM transaction because she left her eyeglasses and couldn't see quite well without them. I nodded and weakly smiled at her (These obligatory smiles of mine is a whole different story altogether.)

Anyway, I then figured out that the weird looks and invasive proximity were just all about asking me for help. Why couldn't she have said that right away? She could've spare me from the paranoid thoughts in my crazy head. So while queue_item_1 to queue_item_n-1 sequentially dequeued, she was sizing me up whether or not I was amiable enough to ask assistance from. When queue_item_n-1 exited from the booth, I politely told Mrs. Oracion, "Ma'am, mauna na po kayo sa akin. Pagkatapos ko kayo tulungan saka na lang ako susunod." (I forgot to translate myself in Visayan at the time, but instead addressed her in my default Tagalog tongue). She gave me her PIN, and at her instructions, I transacted a balance inquiry and a P3000 withdrawal for her. She profusely thanked me afterwards.

This incident is the reason why I was thinking about whether I have some unknown repelling pheromone. This is not an isolated incident, mind you. It happens to me all the time. My friendster testimonials say a lot about how I come off as a stuck-up, snobbish jerk to most people who meet me for the first time. And for good reason, too, I must admit.

True, I don't like to be around a lot of people. I'm not shy, though. I'm just easily annoyed. By the noise. By the inanities. I don't have the patience. I'm not one of those sunshiny people who greets everyone with a beaming smile. I'm not that way. I don't mind being alone. In fact, sometimes I prefer to be alone. But if one gets to know me long enough to let the ice melt and the wall to break down, I'm actually pretty nice. Ask Mrs. Oracion. The ATM lady, not my high school teacher. Aralin Panlipunan was never one of the strongest subject.

(Pardon the occasional geek jargon. But I think it's pretty understandable by context.)